Living funerals - what to think about.
Have you heard the term ‘living funeral’ and wondered what they are?
You might have heard the term in these contexts, as:
a pre-funeral or celebration of life when you’re alive
a living wake
a funeral which is personal and meaningful which participants leave feeling more alive.
A funeral is for those left behind.
A living funeral or wake is for those who will be left behind, it’s for you, it’s for your relationships. It’s for saying goodbye in person. It’s a beautiful opportunity to express gratitude.
All ready to go.
Have in mind:
If you are the reason for the party, talk with those organising about what makes the idea attractive to you. A few things to consider are:
Your purpose in holding the event.
Is it to hear from people about your connection with them, and the experiences you’ve shared? This can be a wonderful kind of completion.
Is it to farewell people? Then think about how you’d like to do this. Do you want to have a throne that helps you to be somewhat distanced from the fray, and to talk to people one-to-one. Or would you like to give the speech of a lifetime?
Energy levels.
If you’re not well, you’ll want to have energy management in mind. Palliative services can help you to have the best possible day or evening once they understand what you have in mind. Consider the time of day, the length of event.
Event manager. Think about what’s required of the host of your living funeral or wake and about who will be helping and facilitating.
Is your event for a largish number? Or only for your inner circle?
Large living wake
In my book Death, a love project, I tell a living wake story that comes from my time on the north coast of NSW. Tony Belton was a great community figure in Byron Bay, and quite a party animal. At 72, he knew he only had months to live. He was quite ready to be the centre of attention and held his wake at a time that he could be present. It drew over 300 people to Byron Bay Golf Club.
Titled ’The Awakening’, there were five speakers, a ten-piece soul band, comedians, disco dancing and even pole dancers. ‘There were two of them, dressed in a devil and an angel outfit and they fought over my soul,’ Tony jubilantly recounted later. Tony loved his community – in the end he raised $53,000 through his wake, and this money benefited young people in a regional community. A love project wouldn’t you agree?
Small party at home
Those who’ve read Death, a love project know that I support Karuna Hospice Services in Brisbane. About a decade ago, they looked after a young woman called Kylie. For her birthday her family organised a Mad Hatters’ Tea Party. Everyone wore a hat, and Kylie a princess crown.
‘It was a tough week for Kylie,’ wrote her sister in Karuna’s newsletter. ‘She was concerned … but we had a ball! We stuck multi coloured pom poms on the ceiling, hand-cut butterflies all over the walls, we had a whole shelf of all her favourite flowers and fairy lights … We had plenty of delicious cakes, sweet treats and champagne in true Kylie style!’
This is a great example of palliative services supporting someone in the last months of their life to do something they really want to do. Like to stay up longer than usual, to talk and dance and make a speech.
Would you ever consider a living funeral? If so, what flavour might you like it to have? If you’d like to talk further, do get in touch.